HUMAN RELATIONSHIPS; PARENTING - Fatherly Advice To Single Moms With Sons

by M Jvlian Simmons

"Drop some not-so-common knowledge/advice for moms raising a son with no male figure in the home. Takes a village, right?  

What are some important things we (single mothers) may need to consider from a male (point of) view?"
-LeLe Burrell

Although several of these "pearls of Wisdom" are not gender-specific, they all are things that either I have been told by my own father, or things I have experienced myself, as a younger man.

Being a father of three now-adult offspring, this list is also full of things that I'd like my own kids, especially my son, to know within their being.

ADVICE FOR MOMS:

 *Refrain from arguing/fighting, bad-mouthing, belittling, berating your child(ren)'s father, period, not just in the child's presence. They may indeed be crazy, or lazy, or justifiably worthy of your criticism and disdain, but hearing your disparaging commentary about it can damage the child more than the situation itself.



*Be a bit slow to the rescue on certain things, but make sure he is however held accountable for what he does. Teach them over time about decision-making, self-reliance, and acknowledge his strength gained from solving his own problems.


*Unless he (the dad)'s a real nut-job, always allow your son access to his father. Maybe he's dead-broke, or going through especially hard times right now, but if possible and within reason, keep the path between them open. Sometimes, a little quality time between parent and child will do wonders for parental morale.






*Be ready when he discovers masturbation (, dirty pornographic media, or eventually gets caught with a girl in his room, like I did). It will probably come as a surprise to you, but don't embarrass him if you should catch him; that'll give him a complex, so either just knock and wait to come in, make noise on purpose as you're approaching his room/area.

My mom used to rattle her keys, or wonder something loudly, nearby, giving me a moment or two to get myself together before she got there. Afterward (within the hour or so), if it needs discussing, then do so, but in a loving and understanding but firm tone; or do as my mom did when she found all my dirty magazines under my bed-
..just threw them away when I wasn't looking, and said absolutely NOTHING about it.

ADVICE FOR SONS:

*G-d first.

*Love, honor, and respect your mama (as she's the first woman in your life).


*Rise for women and for your elders when they come into your presence, open doors/give your seat (if its the last) to them too.

*One does not simply grow from a BOY to a MAN. At first, you're a BOY, then you grow into being a GUY. The trick is to evolve from being a GUY to being a MAN.

*Protect the lesser. There are three types of people, sheep, wolves, and the sheepdogs. Be a sheepdog.
 

 






*Look people in the eye when speaking to them.

*Give a firm but flexible handshake.

* The days of job security are over. Think in terms of what your business will be, and be about THAT.

*REFRAIN FROM PROMISING AND SWEARING - If you say you will do something, then just do it, and let your word alone be true.

*Learn to say "no", without feeling compelled to explain why.



*Determine the difference between giving a REQUEST and giving a COMMAND. At restaurants when I'd begin my order with "can/may I have...?", my dad would correct my speech and remind me that in that case (dealing with someone who must comply), it required a command not a request, so instead, say "I will have...". Likewise, there are certain cases where a REQUEST is more appropriate than a command (dealing with someone who does not have to comply if they don't wish). Learn when to do which.




 

*My dad used to say "kissing ass is out of order', which meant to give respect where respect is due, but avoid fawning-over or, or holding a person in too much reverence. JUST BE COOL.

*My father also used to say, as he passed graveyards, driving, "the cemetery is filled with unfulfilled dreams", which taught me to focus on my own dream fulfillment. 

*One of the sexiest things a man can do for a woman is to clean stuff, and wax domestication/handiness. Alongside basic car maintenance, know how to cook, clean a house, and to do laundry; you'll never regret it.








 




*When you want to meet a girl/woman, "hello, my name is ____" works like a charm.

*Women love compliments, but not about things that had no part in (physical features), so praise them on their talent(s) and CHOICES (skillful works of her mind) instead.

*Sometimes, when a girl/woman tells you her problems, she doesn't expect you to say something to fix it for her, she rather just wants you to listen.






*Keep your girlfriend's whereabouts a secret from your friends, or they will try to visit in your absence.

 *Keep your love life private. Telling your friends the juicy details can get your girl stolen by one of them.

*If she shares a secret with you, KEEP IT.



 

*DONT eat onions, beans nor broccoli before a date.

 *Smell good up-close, rather than from far away (keep your fragrance faint); no need to smell like a European nightclub from 20ft out. 

*There's a space between your balls and butthole; KEEP THAT CLEAN TOO.

*Treat any woman accompanying you like precious cargo, cos SHE IS. Always return them in just as good if not better condition as when you picked her up (no getting drunker than she, no hazardous vehicle trickery, rapiness, abusivity, etc).



  

*Always be ready to pay for an extra person's worth on a date.

*Never react to your bill on a date; just PAY it, and keep the amount to yourself.

*An expensive date bill is not a bargaining chip for sex; she is free from obligation to do ANYTHING for/with/to you.

 *Sex too early in life can turn you out, and even give you a kid you aren't ready to stop your life in order to raise. If you have dreams, keep it in your pants until your dreams come true.

*NO ROMANCE WITHOUT FINANCE - If you ain't got no money, then you can't afford a girlfriend. "Ain't nothin' goin' on, but the rent; you gotta have a J-O-B if you wanna be with me!"
-Gwen Guthrie

 * You can not have/keep both money and a woman; if you have either one for too long, prepare to lose the other. "I dunno which is better, getting laid or getting paid; I just know when I'm getting one, the other's getting away!"
-Kanye West

*"Its cheaper to keep her."
-Johnny Taylor

I don't know why, it just is.

*Allow your woman to blame you (for most things); you'll be happier knowing its coming. Besides, men are especially designed to be their scapegoat "assholes"; so just deal with it.

*If she keeps her phone face-down, its not a good sign.









*BE SOMEWHERE; stay off the streets if/when you don't have anywhere in particular to go. That's when/where random mayhem happens. And if you do have somewhere to go, then GO, and not meander/loiter, which is something that a potential victim does.

*Look like somebody (dress well).

*Have/Be a friend(s) that can actually HELP you in life sometimes (skilled, willing to invest, lend, refer, etc.).

*Never lend/bet more than you care to lose. And if you lend more than $20, then count it a gift.







*When youre a kid, everyone wants to help you achieve your dreams, but when you grow up, help is scarce-..VERY scarce. Use the help that people are currently begging to give you, while they still care.

*As you age, you have to pay for more and more, but keep away from pawning away your belongings, constant borrowing, and selling your biology (habitual plasma donating for money). You're just BETTER than that.

*Stand tall. Even if you're the tallest, stand even taller, still.

 



I hope that this shortlist helps to answer your question. If so, please feel free to like, comment, and even share this article!